weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
