Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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