you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
