You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
someone owes me an orgasm
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
