I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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