R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
