I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
