i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i love accidental penises.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
