My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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