dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
