I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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