i would punch a child for taco bell
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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