Redeem this text for a blowjob
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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