Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
