The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
