he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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