I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize