Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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