You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
