I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
My bed smells like the plague
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