guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
