My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
