i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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