Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
