look no pants
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
