y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
