that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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