Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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