so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
