Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
