don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize