If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
