Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
