I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We just shotgunned beers for America
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
