I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Small penises have feelings too.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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