Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize