i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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