So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
