Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
