I just made out with a guy for $7.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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