Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
