Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
