Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
