im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
