currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
