So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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