Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
