you would pick up someone in the library
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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