his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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