The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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