drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
