people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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