That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
