I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
