i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
