Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize
