Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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