All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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