it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
