just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
