you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
