I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize