WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
