he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize