So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
