yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
