she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
