"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
