she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My bed smells like the plague
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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