mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
