I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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