She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Its about making memories worth repressing
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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