jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
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