Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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