Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
