Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the day after is always just damage control
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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