we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Hippo gnu deer
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
